17 May 2007...I believe in Miracles.

Bhaarath during his 1st week and now...

My second son, Bhaarata may not have grown in my tummy, but he grew in my heart and my soul. He was truly a gift from God! We took the eventful journey to receive him, my husband, my oldest son and I. It was such a nerve wrecking moment as I already loved him when we decided to take that journey. I remember the nurse bringing him down and he was wearing this yellow t-shirt and cute socks and a pair of white special shoes for his special feet. I did not want to carry him until I was certain that he was going to be mine, as I cant imagine holding him and not having him. My husband held him first and fell in love with him, Arjoonha decided at 4 years old that he is the baby brother for him. I was the last to carry him, and I was trying my best not to cry but then again emotions got the better of me. What was worst was we were not able to take him home that day. When we left it was heartbreaking as I was leaving my son behind. It was such a long night...The next morning we went back and we received him, and this time I carried him, and held him tight, and said a quick good bye and dashed into the car and felt strange having this little boy on my lap. He was very quiet and I was kissing his head all the time, to assure him that all will be okay. I was not sure if I could love another as I love my Arjoonha. But as I held him I know I have nothing to worry as I felt all the love and more. When we reached home it was all so surreal. He just lied down and slept on our couch. That night I kept on checking the baby court to see if he was for real and really there in the room with us. I saw him sleeping soundly, my husband and I kept on carrying him throught the night. And I loved him from that first moment and I love him even more now...

9 April 2003...Motherhood.

I conceived my oldest boy, Arjoonha, about 8 months after our wedding. We loved him from the time we found out we were pregnant. My husband and I prayed for him everyday and read stories and sang to him. The pregnancy was perfect except for the 1st trimester where I was throwing up and feeling nauseas. When it came time for my delivery, there were some complications and he was born 'baby blue' not breathing, and they have to revive him. I remember muttering's from the nurses that I am bleeding too much, and Arjoonha being rushed off from the room to be resuscitated. I remember my husband running after the nurses ...and I remember him coming into the room about 1 hour later. I honestly thought that the baby did not make it from the look on my husband's face. He said the baby is okay and they are checking on him. I refused to believe and demanded to see a doctor. My husband came again with a doctor to reassure me that the baby is fine but they have to keep him in the ICU for observation. I remember being wheeled back to my room and I started crying when I was alone, as the whole experience is not what I expected. I expected to have my baby beside me and I should be feeding him. But I was alone the first night with no baby and felt cheated. The next morning I was wheeled to the ICU to see the baby for the first time. And he was a large baby at about 4kg. And I felt all the emotions a mother should feel, and wanted to take care of him and protect him. Both of us stayed at the ICU for 10 days, as his sugar level was very low. It was the longest 10 days of my life as I was so worried that something will go wrong. At the end of our stay I was so ready to go home to the normalcy of life and just to enjoy him without all those drips, and to be able to cuddle and carry him freely. I hardly accepted any phone calls during that time, and shut myself up from the rest of the world, except for my husband. I spent time saying prayers and also to record his daily progress and just caring for the baby so we could both get out of the hospital happily. And all ended well and we were back home! I never imagined I could feel so much love like the one I felt for my son!

Arjoonha's 6th Birthday Party!

Pictures from Arjoonha's birthday party. The cake was made by a dear friend!

I feel totally BLESSED!

I feel totally blessed today! For having a great mother who always is full of energy and love, for having had a father who loved to read(probably where all of us got our habits from), for having 2 wonderful sisters who are always willing to help and be there for me, a brother who is considerate and kind, a husband who puts my happiness above his and helps around, my maid who is always smiling and puts up with my impatience, my sons who are a joy to me and gives me a purpose to strive, my friends who listens and makes me laugh, my work which I love and pays my bill, my 2 wonderful colleagues who have become more then colleagues to me, my laptop for giving me some quiet time to blog my thoughts away....I feel totally blessed today!

My Baby is 6!

Pin the tail to the Elephant and the Pinata


Arjoonha my oldest just turned 6 on the 9th of April. This will be his last pre-schooling year. Every year at least 2-3 months before his birthday we will get excited and start talking about his birthday. Last 5 years we had parties at all the outlets in town. This year we decided to settle for an old fashioned birthday parties at home, and it is tomorrow. Now I found out how much work actually involves in preparing a party at home. Have to ensure that there are appropriate food for kids and parents, games to keep them entertained, party favours and decorations to create the right ambience etc. I have fond memories of my own birthdays when I was a young child Though we had little financially my mother ensures to make it special for us, by making our favourite food or having a small party. And I want my children to grow having wonderful fun memories of their birthdays and to make it a day that they have lots of fun with their friends. So I have to get my creative juice flowing...Will a game of pinata, pinning the tail to the elephant, musical chair, poison box and 'dance and freeze' be good for a 6 year old and his friends? We shall find out tomorrow! Here are the pics...not very eerrr professional ...but cheaper then the ones we buy from the store. God Bless You Arjoonha.

Bahai New Year!

Had a great time hosting lunch for about 50 family and friends. It was also like a house warming do. It was really nice to have all loved ones together, though I was moving from one group to another and cannot really remember who I spoke to and who I did not, but it was just a nice fuzzy feeling. Kids had a great time making a mess in their rooms and thrashing all the toys (sigh)! Awi and I had a crazy time trying to figure out which piece belonged to which part. These are the signs of kids having too many toys...

Open House, Open Hearts

Next Sunday I will be having family and friends over for lunch, about 50 of them. Am not cooking this time, I will just enjoy the company, as food is being catered, yahoo!. It's Bahai New Year. From now till May there will be a whirlpool of activities. April will be Arjoonha's 6th birthday and May will be my baby's who is turning 3! There is something about planning all these, and making it the best time for the kids and also family and friends. Opening my home to friends, I feel is a physical gesture of opening my heart, and at the end of the day what really matters are the relationship one forms with the people around them.

My Mum!

My sister's and I

My mother!



It was my mum's 73rd birthday on Feb 15. We had a surprise do for her with family and friends at my place. My mother...what can one say. She is an amazing lady in the true sense of the word. She is a chinese by origin and given up for adoption to an Indian family. She was loved by her adopted mother who was a widow and my grandma passed away when my mum was barely 12. My mum has to go and live with a relative who only took her in as a helper to assist with household chores and taking care of her 10 children. She went through many tough days but her sense of humour, curiosity of life got her through. She could have easily chose to be bitter and sensitive, but she became totally the opposite. She even treated that lady with love and respect till her last days. She then later was married off to my dad at 17 and my dad was 34 years old. What I learnt most from my mum is about giving and welcoming people of all walks of life, races and religion. If there is a Radio or TV that is not working my mum will fix it, a leak in the roof she will fix it. A neighbour needs help, she will be there... A fun personality too. She is so very mischiveous, and loves to play pranks on people even till now..she drives us mad some times. I hope she will have many more healthy birthdays to come, and I hope that I can emulate her in living life!

I am not too sure...Happy Valentine's

I just realised I havent blogged for more than a month. I really dont know why, but i know I have this unsettled feeling inside me...Maybe I am anxious about the economy and the effect it may have on my work, the political climate of the country..and many more.Maybe i am menopausal, is 37 too young to go thru it?? I do have a lot in my mind to write though. Tomorrow's valentine's day. I am going to cook Roast Lamb Shoulder Jamie Olivier Style for husband and children. For the boy's they are not familiar with red meat, so will make them roast chicken instead,and we will have a family dinner with candlelight and all. I told my 6 year old that I am inviting him for dinner and he asked me where? I said my kitchen, and he said "I can't drive yet"..hmmm.. One can never be too sure what goes through 6 year old's mind. Happy Valentine's Day!

Family Portrait

There is something about family portraits that is intriguing. I always look for one when I am at someone's home. At my mother in laws house, there are faded family photos on the wall. It catches the era it was taken in with the 50s and 70s hairdo and fashion. And I will scrutinise each of their faces to see if they are looking happy or sad. I will ask my mother in law their stories. At my mother's place there are family portraits of her mother who adopted her but whom we never knew as she passed away when my mum was a teenager. Family photos gives me a sense of belonging and continuation. I have been wanting to have my family picture taken for some time now, since Arjoonha was 2. But procastination got the better of me. But then again it will not be a complete family without Bhaarath around. So since we have Bhaarath(my 2nd son) in our life now, it feels just about time to get it done. Here we go...all of of us.

2009 ARRIVES!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! I am well into 2009 now! We ushered in the New Year with about 40 friends and family,while eating 12 grapes each when the clock struck 12(supposedly a Philipines tradition as a symbol to have 12 sweet months), and watching the display of fireworks from the Twin Tower! We hugged and wished each other a very happy new year,and we came home about 2am. And wallah...we are in 2009! My hope and wish for this year is to live it with humanity in mind and to be joyfully optimistic.

Resolutions!

I have not been much of a blogger lately. My internet is down at home and also I cant seem to find my camera cable. Tt has been a frustrating journey getting the telecommunications department to do something about it. I tried being polite, angry, rude, and sent a few emails across. Got a reply to one today and they said they will get it up and running. But when, I need to no when! But that aside I am not going to let this ruin my holiday spirit! So I have to steal some time during work to blog. Everywhere I go there seem to be some christmas songs playing, the shopping complexes are all decorated with christmas decorations. And people are genetally more relaxed, and happier during this time of the year. There is something hopeful and warm about year ends. Something refreshing that we can get things right again. When I was younger year ends were about holidays, sleeping till late mornings, and just lazy days with family and friends. Now being a mother it means planning fun time for my children and catching up with friends. I just love year ends. We will be having friends over to stay for the next few days, so it is going to be a noisy and fun time for the family. My resolutions will be to be happy in the 'now' and to spend fun time with family and friends! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Tooth Fairy's Visit!

The tooth fairy visited my 5 year old yesterday! My son, Arjoonha lost his first tooth the night before. We were woken up early Monday morning by Arjoonha who was so excited that when he checked under his pillow. The Tooth Fairy in exchange of his tooth, left him an hotwheels car a card and 10 bucks. He was all so excited that the Tooth Fairy knows exactly what he wants! He is hoping more tooth to drop to enjoy further rewards! But I told him it only happens to the first one! But the joke is our maid, Awi from Indonesia was equally excited as she thought Tooth Fairy is for real, and said solemnly that it never visits her village in Indonesia! I had a hard time controlling my laughter!

THEY ARE AT THE SAME TABLE AND NOT TALKING!

When my husband and I wasdating back when we were in Penang Island, we used to go everywhere in our honda motorcycle. We will talk and talk and talk more, wherever we are! For meals most days we go to our favourite shop tucked away in Bayan Lepas, and used to watch couples both young and old at other tables. One of the games we used to play is to create imaginary lives by looking at other couples. Once we noticed this couple with 2 children at the table having their meals. They look probably married for 10 years or so, and throughout dinner they only uttered 2 words or so. And I remember telling my boyfriend then, that I hope we wont get to a point where we wont have nothing much to say to each other. That would be very sad!

CHANGE IS INEVITABLE

I may come across as being adventurous and independent; but I realized that I am such a coward when it comes to changes. I need the push, the kick, the pull and the encouragement to take the first step, and once I am there right in the middle of things I adapt pretty fast. So I am in a few changes in my life now...and keeping fingers crossed that all will turn out great, and my friends can tell me I told you so. And luckily for me I have friends around me who are willing to bear with my moans and groans and fears...and just encourage me through it.

I HAVE MOVED!

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Moving house is indeed stressful! And I only moved 45 minutes away from where I am now. How do people move to another country or continent! Dont think I will survive it! Gosh it is amazing the amount of things we manage to collect in that small apartment of ours. Yes we have finally moved to our new place, and it is slowly beginning to take shape. Slowly but surely we are getting settled in. New neighbours, new lanes, new schools, new markets, new playgrounds, many new things to adapt too! Will post more stuff later! Just to say I am back! I have a new colleague in my office, so a few changes in life, and i realise I am not very good with changes!

A visit to the man in White.

Arjoonha (my eldest one) has a skin condition and it looks like brown patches on his body. It started when he was 6 months old, and we have taken him to many doctors who was not able to diagnose it. Then about 2 years ago it was diagnosed as Uticaria Pigmentosa, which is a harmless condition which will eventually disappear as he reaches puberty. I am not sure if I imagined it, but I thought the spots were becoming darker, and I was concerned if it would be something more serious like skin cancer, especially after watching the episode of Oprah on skin cancer. So I decided to take him for another round of check up. I could have kissed the doctor when he said it was nothing to worry about but to bring him for quarterly review to observe it. He also gave him a topical cream to help fade the patches! Arjoonha was excited that he can have the day out with me. So we had fun having breakfast at the Starbucks which was located at the hospital; yes hospital is much fun nowadays! I remember my own mum taking me to hospital for routine checks as I had bout of sinus when I was a child. But it was not as easy as I have it nowadays. In those days we did not have a car, so my mum has to take me in a bus journey of almost 2 hours, and we have to stay at a relatives place to attend to the hospital appointment. I remember the highlight of the visit when my mum and I enjoy the delicious bowl of soup noodle at the hospital cafeteria!

Simple and Old Fashioned?

Serious about Pictionary

Arjoonha took a picture of a cat




Shopping complexes are perpetually crowded all year round in Malaysia. It is either we are spending money always, or during our free times sadly we do not have other useful activities to do. We really should have better things to do in life then going to the shopping complexes as a ritual; such as putting your time to good use, having friends to visit or willing to have you around, or you having friends over or maybe volunteering for a useful course...If week after week if we only have the shopping complexes to visit then it is time to reevaluate our lives, our values and maybe our everything. Yesterday we were invited to a friends beautiful home, away from the buzzing noise of the city. It is nestled in a real pretty green area of Seremban. We really did not have any plans, except to visit.So we had lunch, we had tea, children played to their hearts content in the large compound, we played pictionary and we had the old fashioned fun! It was really refreshing. I am indeed grateful to be surrounded by good friends who are willing to have us around!

HEART vs POCKET

Got the keys to our hew home, and now the real work starts. Met the contractor last night and we went through on what needs to be done. I realised what I want a lot to be done(yes Louis you were right all along, I do want a lot). I was thinking with my Heart and not with my Pocket. So the list went on and on, and mind you we have not even come to the part of new furnishings yet! I will be receiving the quotation on Monday and will 'sit down' before viewing it, in case I faint with shock. If you are wondering why my husband is not mentioned here with the contractor, BECAUSE my husband is from Mars. He believes in 'simplicity' to a fault. If I leave it to him, we will move into that house as it is, with its lavender exterior and worn out floors and broken doors...! (Then again I wish I can be like him at times so I will not have the burden of wanting all in order...). I am feeling anxiety attack as there is a lot to be done..and decisions to made...

Say NO to ISA! : If it is to be, it is up to me.

I live my life at times bordering on "If it is to be, it is up to me' or 'Who died and made me King?'. Yesterday I chose the former! The Internal Security Act a draconian law has been used again in this so called democratic country, and 3 people have been jailed. With the ISA you are denied your right to engage a lawyer or to defend yourself! People are crying injustice and are telling the government that they will no longer tolerate such abuse of power. So Siva and I went to join the candlelight vigil last night to release those who are held and to give them a fair trial. The rain and the presence of police did not dampen the spirit of those who wanted to stand up for what they believe in. The presence of the police was intimidating but the spirit was high. This is my first time joining such a vigil and it was indeed a special experience.