Sunday, April 19, 2009
9 April 2003...Motherhood.
I conceived my oldest boy, Arjoonha, about 8 months after our wedding. We loved him from the time we found out we were pregnant. My husband and I prayed for him everyday and read stories and sang to him. The pregnancy was perfect except for the 1st trimester where I was throwing up and feeling nauseas. When it came time for my delivery, there were some complications and he was born 'baby blue' not breathing, and they have to revive him. I remember muttering's from the nurses that I am bleeding too much, and Arjoonha being rushed off from the room to be resuscitated. I remember my husband running after the nurses ...and I remember him coming into the room about 1 hour later. I honestly thought that the baby did not make it from the look on my husband's face. He said the baby is okay and they are checking on him. I refused to believe and demanded to see a doctor. My husband came again with a doctor to reassure me that the baby is fine but they have to keep him in the ICU for observation. I remember being wheeled back to my room and I started crying when I was alone, as the whole experience is not what I expected. I expected to have my baby beside me and I should be feeding him. But I was alone the first night with no baby and felt cheated. The next morning I was wheeled to the ICU to see the baby for the first time. And he was a large baby at about 4kg. And I felt all the emotions a mother should feel, and wanted to take care of him and protect him. Both of us stayed at the ICU for 10 days, as his sugar level was very low. It was the longest 10 days of my life as I was so worried that something will go wrong. At the end of our stay I was so ready to go home to the normalcy of life and just to enjoy him without all those drips, and to be able to cuddle and carry him freely. I hardly accepted any phone calls during that time, and shut myself up from the rest of the world, except for my husband. I spent time saying prayers and also to record his daily progress and just caring for the baby so we could both get out of the hospital happily. And all ended well and we were back home! I never imagined I could feel so much love like the one I felt for my son!